


Return of America's Son

by truelyesoteric



Series: America's Son [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys return stateside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return of America's Son

“Hi, honey! I’m home!” Jared said, booming into their apartment.

“You don’t have to say that everyday,” Jensen said, coming in, loosening his tie with a relieved sigh. “I get home ten minutes before you do, its not like I sit at home waiting for you.”

Jared grinned. “In my mind you do.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and began to sort the mail. “Megan sent us a card thanking us for the time she had here.” 

Jared looked up. “She’s remarkably polite. My momma raised us right.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and held up the card showing two men doing something suggestive with a goat.

Jared raised an eyebrow. “I always told her that we found her in a box of howler monkeys and decided to bring her home.”

“That explains so much,” Jensen acknowledged.

“Somewhere my mother’s heart is breaking,” Jared sighed and moved to rummage through the fridge. “Chad e-mailed. Sophia is going into mid-terms so he’ll be bringing Lucas here soon.”

Chad was banned from being anywhere near Sophia when she had mid- terms and finals. Since all Chad needed was his laptop to work he would pack Lucas up and usually head towards London.

Jensen and Jared would have a week or so of a Chad invasion. What unnerved Jensen the most was not Chad, he was just mildly annoying, but Lucas who was polite and attentive. Jensen never stopped being surprised at how well Lucas was turning out. Jared never told him how absolutely cute it was to find them sitting side by side on the couch eating cereal.

Jared pulled out some carrots from the fridge.

“Rob and Andrew called,” Jensen told him, going through the mail.

Jared grinned.

“We are not going out with them,” Jensen told him. “Last time I ended up with glitter and feathers in places for weeks, plus there were pictures in the tabloids, I thought we were doing all we could to avoid tabloids.”

Jared grinned. “It isn’t the end of the world you know, going out. We won’t always end up in the papers.”

“With those two we probably will,” Jensen pointed out.

Jared grinned and leaned in. “That was the greatest night, and late night, and early morning of my life.”

His voice was husky and Jensen shivered under it.

Jensen’s phone vibrated.

“Leave it,” Jared whispered in Jensen’s ear. “We’ll replay some of the less public moments of that night.”

“It’s my mom,” Jensen said unconvincingly.

Jared pulled back and grabbed the phone, his mind immediately distracted. “Oh! She has the name of a new restaurant that I want to try.”

Jared rolled his eyes. The one thing that could ever distract Jared from sex was food.

“Hi Donna,” Jared said, jumping away from where Jensen was grabbing at him. “I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”

Jared listened for a minute. His face lost the glee, it changed into something haunted and ominous. His eyes found Jensen who just looked at him confused.

Jensen didn’t move, stood like a deer in headlights. He had never seen this look on Jared’s face, it was something both blank and breaking. Jensen was getting a very bad feeling about this. He could feel something going wrong, but he didn’t want to ask, he didn’t want to know.

Jared fell to the couch, his eyes still on Jensen.

“Okay,” Jared finally managed to say, the words coming slowly. “I’ll tell him.”

Jensen stood there, and his fist began to ball up.

Jared hung up the phone and dropped his eyes, his jaw moving, but nothing came out.

“Tell me,” Jensen said gruffly, holding back panic.

Jared looked up at him. His voice hoarse, but clear. “Josh and his wife were going to dinner. There was an accident.”

“No,” Jensen said softly.

“They were rushed to the hospital,” Jared continued, calmly.

“No, no more,” Jensen said vehemently, shaking his head.

Jared stood up, tears already in his eyes.

“No,” Jensen stated, jaw set in defiance.

He was never like this, he was never the spoiled rich kid who tried to will things into existence. Jared had seen it on the face of all the cousins, even with Josh, but Jensen never did it.

“Don’t you dare,” Jensen said, blinking back the tears, refusing to let them fall.

Jared approached, hands outstretched, like he was approaching an angry, wounded animal.

“Baby,” Jared said.

“Don’t, do not,” Jensen said, standing firm.

Jensen faced him, his jaw set, eyes wild.

“He died,” Jared said softly. “They both did.”

Jensen didn’t move, didn’t let go of any of anything, but something in his eyes disappeared. He stood like an impassive statue.

“Josh is dead,” Jared stated.

Jensen breathed heavily, but didn’t make any other kind of movement.

“Cry, scream, do what you need to,” Jared said, taking a step forward.

“No,” Jensen said, vein in his jaw throbbing.

Jared wrapped him in a hug and held Jensen.

Jensen struggled, then settled, his shoulders starting to heave. 

“I can’t,” he whispered.

Jared was crying. “You can, you can with me.”

Jensen didn’t pull away, but he didn’t give in either. Jared got the impression that he was being allowed to hold Jensen and Jensen wasn’t there enough to care. They stood like that for awhile. Jared holding on to him, Jensen just standing there, almost unaware.

Jensen suddenly stiffened and shook Jared off. “I need to call Mark.”

He looked around the room. His cell phone was on the counter by his keys, but his eyes passed over it twice. He looked over at Jared, confused.

“What am I supposed to say?” he said standing in the middle of the living room, looking very lost.

Jared swallowed. It was a little scary seeing Jensen like this. Seeing someone who was usually so sure, who had the answers, fall apart was something that shifted the ground a little under Jared’s feet.

But Jared just gave a weak smile. “Let me call Mark, you go see if your Grandfather’s people have e-mailed the info on flights, maybe find my black suit? I think you put it away when we got back from your cousin’s wedding in Switzerland, maybe you know where it is?”

Jensen blinked and nodded slowly and walked to the bedroom. Jared watched him worriedly, but he went to pick up Jensen’s cell phone.

He swallowed and looked through the contacts for the numbers, then he picked up his own cell phone and dialed.

“Mark Vanlandingham,” a voice answered.

“Mr. Vanlandingham,” Jared said, hesitantly. It wasn’t every day that he dialed up the Chief of Staff for the American Embassy in London, fortunately Donna and Grandma Ackles had given him plenty of advice in using the voice. “It’s Jared Padalecki…Jensen Ackles’s, um, boyfriend.”

It came out authoritative, but was a bit undermined by the "um".

“Hi Jared, I know who you are and I’ve told you to call me Mark,” Mark reminded him, with a slight bit of humor in his voice. 

Jared swallowed. He didn’t know how to have this conversation any better than Jensen did.

“Jensen is going to need some time off,” Mark was the one to say first.

“You heard about Jensen’s brother?” Jared said, surprised.

“We always keep apprised of the past Ambassadors and their family,” Mark said. 

Jared let out a silent thank you for Joseph Ackles, the man scared him quite a bit of the time, but there were times like this where his godlike powers seemed to work magic.

“Take the time you need,” Mark said. “Have Jensen call me in a few days and we will figure out time frame.”

“I am sure that Jensen thanks you,” Jared said honestly. “And I definitely thank you, sir.”

“If you need anything let me know,” Mark said. “We are sending flowers, but for a family who has done so much, for a man with so much promise, it doesn’t seem enough.”

Jared was a little taken aback, he didn’t know what to say when the distinguished veteran of the London Embassy was looking to do favors for them. His pause gave Mark time to barrel on.

“What time are you leaving, son?” Mark asked, speculatively.

Jared looked to the bedroom door. “I don’t know yet.”

“Have Jensen e-mail me the info,” Mark said. “I will send a car and have someone escort you through security.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jared said, not really knowing what it meant, but knowing that it was probably something pretty impressive.

“I mean it Jared,” Mark said. “Absolutely anything that you and Jared need while you are on soil here I will assist you with. It isn’t just about his family, Jensen is a good man.”

Jared smiled and looked at the door. “Thank you sir, I think so also, I need to go now.”

“Take care of yourself and pass along my condolences to the family,’ Mark said.

“I will,” Jared said, with his most authorative and calm voice.

Jared hung up the phone and he looked at the door. It took all his will not to run into the bedroom.

When he entered the room Jensen was in front of his computer, just staring, his face was blank.

“Jense,” Jared said softly. “Did your Grandfather’s assistant e-mail?”

Jensen blinked. “I don’t know.”

Jared went behind him and looked over his shoulder. There were a few unread e-mails. Jared saw one from Joseph Ackles’s assistant. There was one more from Anna Ackles. Josh’s wife. The title said ‘Your Three Boys’.

Jensen looked up at him. “I should find your suit.”

He stood up abruptly and walked towards the closet. Halfway there he stopped.

Jensen turned around and his eyes were glossy. He seemed to force out his words. “Can you just forward that one to you and then erase it? I know I’m going to want it one day, but I absolutely cannot deal with that right now.”

He stood in the middle of the room, fists balled, looking defiant.

“Of course,” Jared said evenly. “Mark says he’ll send a car when we leave and something about security.”

“When we were kids Josh loved diplomatic security,” Jensen said. “He wanted to do that when he grew up.”

Jensen blinked repeatedly. Jared stood up and Jensen abruptly turned around.

“I’ve got to find your suit,” Jensen said, disappearing into the closet. “Check the flight info.”

Jared swallowed. He really wanted to cry right now. He wanted to call his siblings and tell them he loved them. He wanted to sleep.

Instead he opened the e-mail from Anna, saw Josh, Lincoln, and Logan. Josh’s face was shining, looking at his young sons. Jensen was right, he shouldn’t look at these right now. They were of a happy family and it was painful for Jared to see them, it would be like a stab through the heart to Jensen. 

The last one was Josh kissing Anna’s face.

Jared took a second to look at her. She was outside the family. She was of a well off family and Jared didn’t think that she had undergone the finishing school from Donna and Grandma Ackles like he had. She was quiet, she was the wife of a politician.

A few tears streamed down his face, thinking of the woman behind the man. She would never be known, not like Josh, not as anything but a footnote in the Ackles family tree.

But looking at the picture, looking at Josh’s grin, her dignified nose scrunched up like a fourteen year old girl with her first crush, the ones of her boys clinging to her.

Anna Ackles had also died. She was a wife and a mother, and very few people in the family knew her.

So Jared took a moment for Anna before blinking away any trace, forwarding the e-mail and then deleting the traces of it in Jensen’s inbox before opening the one with the flight info.

 

**

It took a long time for them to pack. Jared didn’t want to hover over Jensen like a mother hen, but Jensen would take a look off into space and forget what he was doing. Jared filled in the places that Jensen couldn’t be at this moment. 

Jared e-mailed his professors and packed the books that he would need. He was almost done with his courses, he only had a few weeks left. It wasn’t an ideal time, but there really was no way that he wasn’t going to go.

Jared knew that Jensen would be fine in front of others, he would be the backbone of the family, but for a few hours, a day, until they went back to Massachusetts Jensen could be whatever the hell he wanted to be. Jared would make sure of that. If Jensen wanted to be mad, he could yell, If he wanted to be sad he could cry, if he wanted any of the stages of grief, Jared was ready.

But Jensen just stayed impassive. Finally Jared coaxed him into bed. They both needed it. 

Jensen seemed calmer when they went to the bedroom.

They lay together in bed. Jared knew that he should sleep, but he couldn’t, not until Jensen did. So they both lay there, eyes closed. Jensen wouldn’t let Jared hold him, so Jared just stroked at his forearm with his fingertips, just to maintain contact. Finally, Jared stopped moving his fingers and just let them lay on Jensen’s skin. He felt Jensen relax when he thought Jared was asleep.

When Jensen spoke he almost opened his eyes, but something in the tone, the far away thoughtfulness made him stay still.

“You were supposed to show me the way,” Jensen said. 

It was so small and quiet and just about broke Jared’s heart. But Jared didn’t open his eyes, these words weren’t for him.

“Everything I know how to do I know because you taught me,” Jensen whispered, so lost. “You taught me how to climb a tree, how to tie my shoes. Dad and Grandpa taught me how to be a man, how to be a leader, but you taught me how to be human, how to be a person, how to be Jensen.”

Jared could hear Jensen crying and he stayed still. He would give Jensen anything at this moment, and right now all Jensen needed was a few minutes alone with Josh.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jensen said. “There’s this whole big world and I don’t know how to do it without you.”

There was silence for a long moment and then Jensen let out a laugh. It was odd and strange and sounded so different from a moment ago. 

“Yeah,” Jensen said softly. “I have Jared now. He has taught me more about being an adult, nice job with passing the buck. I just keep thinking I wish I’d stayed, I wish I had you everyday, was by your side so we could have been a team for these two years, and then I think about me, how much more I am, how much better, how much I love this man and I don’t know what to do, I wish I knew that time was ticking down, I wish I got to say good bye. I really wish I’d stayed, at this moment.”

There was silence and then Jensen let out a sigh.

“No I don’t,” Jensen said softly. Jensen reached out and touched Jared’s face. Jared didn’t know if now was the time to stir; fortunately, Jensen made the decision for him.

“Jared,” Jensen whispered.

Jared opened his eyes into the wide watery green of Jensen’s. His eyes were red from crying, but his face was serene. He was definitely a man who had been broken.

“I don’t regret you,” Jensen said. “Not a second.”

Jared didn’t know how to respond to that, usually it would just be a dry comment about how glad he was, but now it didn’t seem right

“I’m here,” Jared told him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

That is when Jensen let go; silently, he let out tears for his brother.

**

Jared had begun to taste luxury, he had begun to see the elite that was the Ackles. 

However this trip was a new height of that elite. Going through the airport they had escorts checking them in private stations, their security checkpoints were done in mysterious little areas that Jared didn’t know existed, they were carpeted and quick. 

It only took minutes and then their escort took them to the Upper Class lounge. They moved like A list movie stars, hot off a new release, which was good because from the second they left their apartment there were flashes of cameras and people asking questions.

It was almost too soon before they got on the plane, but Jared did feel some relief, soon enough they would be home.

Jared had enjoyed the business class when they flew to and from London back to the States, his limited experience was that coach was not made for guys like him. However he had never gotten into the first class cabin. It had chairs that leaned into beds and it was more like a little lounge room. 

Part of him wished that the circumstances were different, that he could have the time to gawk at the space and enjoy the food. But he wasn’t hungry and the only thing about the space that was important was that when the lights went out Jensen had room to crawl into his chair bed and curl into him, and there was enough room. The stewardess looked like she was going to say something, but Jared gave her that look, one that he had seen on the faces of some of the cousins.

She backed off.

Jared was a little surprised that he pulled it off. He spent a second wondering what he was becoming. He was thinking of the Compound, of Boston as home. He was able to effectively talk to men important on a worldwide scale. He was walking around with the privilege that they give only the most prestigious and people were capturing his steps on their cell phones.

He hadn’t grown up to expect this. 

But he was growing into it.

But he didn’t give it much time in his head, he just cuddled with Jensen. That was what was important now, that was what was important over all.

Jensen.

After the lights had gone down, Jensen was finally sleeping and Jared found that despite everything he was content. It was after about half an hour that he realized that good intentions weren’t always the easiest thing in the world.

He was dating a six foot guy who was pretty well muscled and as much as he was in love, he spent a couple of moments thinking of how nice it would have been to date one of the girls, who were all much lighter and would fit so much better. One of the tiny girls wouldn’t be stopping the circulation in his arm.

Then Jensen made a contented noise, and Jared knew that he would never want anything else. Every second he was reminded how lucky he was, how much he loved this man.

He put in his headphones and watched one of the movies as he watched over Jensen as he slept.

**

When they got off the plane they went through private customs. They were just about to exit when Jensen put a hand on his arm.

“I love you,” Jensen said. “I can’t even tell you how much I love you and you have been so awesome in the last few days. I’m sorry if I have been a pain, but I am going home and there is going to be a big gaping hole and my mother is going to be sad and everyone is going to want to know how I am and I’m going to apologize in advance for the next few days. I don’t know how the hell this is going to go, but please put up with me.”

Jared reached out and touched the freckles on his cheekbone. “Don’t apologize, if you handle this any better I’m going to have you committed for insanity. I love you, for the next couple of days its going to be you and me against the world. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Jensen gave him a ghost of a smile.

“You’re gonna have to tell me that again in the car, if you’re still sure,” Jensen said with a sigh, opening his bag and taking out two glass cases.

“What is that?” Jared asked.

Jensen sighed. “Mackie said we were probably going to look like shit and we weren’t allowed to wear hats, but she bought us ray bans so that we can look and this is her words, not mine, ‘marginally cool and still hide from the glare.”

Jared took the sunglasses cautiously. “This is getting some serious attention, isn’t it?”

Jensen put on the glasses and shrugged. “More than usual, and even usual is kind of daunting.”

Jared sighed and put on the glasses. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He had run into many reporters lately, but part of him still expected to feel the same way that he had when he’d first been blindsided, back when he was a freshman in college.

They exited the security area.

Their escorts opened the doors and blinding flashes went off. Jared waited for the dread to hit him. He looked down at Jensen, who had moved forward, looking down. Jensen didn’t look miserable, but Jared knew for sure that he was.

That was all Jared needed. He wasn’t wary of them. His only concern was that he and Jensen get to the car so they could go home. About all the flashes, he could give a flying fuck.

Jared moved behind Jensen and put a hand on his back, stepping forward, hiding him as much as possible. The two of them began to move in step, ignoring shouting and light bulbs.

Jared just tried to shield Jensen.

When they got into the car Jared took off his glasses and then Jensen’s. Then he kissed Jensen, putting his hands on either side of Jensen’s face. Jensen responded, which was different than the last two days.

Jared finally pulled back enough so he could speak. 

“I love you, Jensen Ackles,” Jared said.

Jensen’s body let go of some of the tension he had built in himself from the moment that he had heard. Jensen reached out and intertwined their fingers.

**

They took the car to the ferry and then got into the car that would take them to the Compound. When they passed the gates they sat in the car for a minute. Jared looked out and sighed, then he looked at Jensen, Jensen was braced, he had his calm face on.

Jared saw Donna coming up with her grandsons in tow.

“Fuck,” Jensen said, face not changing, panic rising in his voice. “She's the one I don’t know if I can deal with.”

Jared put a hand on her knee. “I know that you can.”’

“Jared,” Jensen said through clenched teeth. “I’m her only son now. I’m going to lose it.”

Jared swallowed. “Take the boys, it’ll be saying something and she won’t speak in front of them.”

“I’m a terrible son because that sounds like the thing I’m going to do and you are terribly devious,” Jensen muttered.

“Good thing we found each other then”, Jared said, trying to smile.

“Of course,” Jensen told him. “Do you think that one day they’ll forgive me for using them?.”

“Probably not,” Jared said, putting on his sunglasses. “But with your family they’ll probably have plenty of other issues so this one little thing isn’t so much a big deal.”

Jensen laughed, then he looked surprised that he had let out a laugh.

Jared took his hand. “Just spend the day with your nephews, I think all of you will like it.”

Jensen inhaled and nodded. 

They got out of the car.

“Jensen, Jared,” Donna said.

Jensen leaned down and kissed his mother’s cheek. “Mother.”

A little ball of blonde hair came and wrapped herself around Jensen’s middle.

“Hey Mackie,” Jensen said holding onto his middle.

She looked up. “Hi Jared, I’m glad that you're here.”

Her face was tear streaked and she didn’t let go of Jensen.

Grandma Ackles came down the walk with her parasol. Jared put his hand on Jensen’s back, reassuring, because Jensen looked like he was about to do a runner.

“How was your flight, Jensen?,” she said, coming to stand next to Jared.

“It was fine,” Jensen answered politely, as if these people were strangers and not his family.

“Thank you for pulling strings here, to make things easy,” Jared added with gratefulness and warmth in his voice.

She patted his arm. “It wasn’t anything, I’m just glad that you boys could make it. How are your studies, Jared?”

“Good, I’ve learned quite a bit in this last semester,” Jared said, seeing a little boy hiding behind Donna. 

She nodded. “You will have to come and tell me about it. You look like you two could use some sun, England is not doing anything for your complexion.”

“You know what we should do?” Jensen said, as if it were just coming to him. “Let me take the boys off your hands, Jared and I could use some sun. I’m sure you have a million things to do, let us take them off your hands.”

Grandma Ackles had a small smile on her face, well aware of what was afoot.

Jensen was already looking down at Logan. “Do you want to? Come play with us?”

Logan came out and looked at Jensen and Jared and nodded, a small smile crossed his lips.

“We’ll find someone to carry your bags, your clothing will be ironed and ready,” Grandma Ackles instructed, her eyes got a little watery. “It's just family tonight.”

Jensen looked at his mother and tried to keep his face neutral. “Let me take the tyke, momma. You look tired, maybe you can have a nap.”

Donna smiled fondly and watched her son take her grandson. it caused tears to well up in her eyes.

“Thank you,” Jensen said, and the panic was almost in his voice. Jared stood nest to him, hand massaging his back, trying to keep him calm, they were almost there.

Donna nodded solomly. “Thank you Jensen. We’ll see you later.”

Logan was unaware of this interaction, he just peered up at Jared. “Can you still build a huge castle, like last time?”

Jared grinned as he remembered heaping piles of dirt way over Logan’s head last summer so Logan’s little legs could trample it down like Godzilla. Jared reached out a hand. 

“You’re on, little man,” Jared said. He paused a moment and kissed Donna, she patted him fondly on the arm.

“Come on Jared,” Logan said, tugging at him. “Sandcastles.”

Jared looked over at Grandma Ackles. She just gave him a knowing smile.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Go play with the boys.”

**

It was a quick fix to stop by the beach shack and changing from their traveling clothes into one of the assortment of bathing suits there. Jared’s was a little small and Jensen’s was about thirty years old, but they didn’t care. They walked down to the private beach with the boys and soaked in the sun.

Jensen was absorbed in making Lincoln comfortable. Jared watched for a minute, he had seen Uncle Jensen, and he was pretty capable with the kids and with Lucas, but watching Jensen with Lincoln was something very new.

Jared was helping Logan build a sandcastle, instructing the three year old on the finer points of a moat.

He was mostly watching Jensen, though. Jensen was staring at six-month old Lincoln like he had to figure out what Lincoln needed before Lincoln even thought about it. He was checking his watch every few minutes so that he didn’t miss slathering the little child in sunscreen. Jensen was making sure that the floppy hat on Lincoln stayed out of his eye, but still provided Lincoln’s face with shade. Jensen had Cheerios at the ready in case Lincoln was hungry.

Jared was kind of curious as to what Jensen was going to do if Lincoln had to be changed, but right now Lincoln was more than happy pounding his little red shovel on the ground, water splashing and making him laugh.

Every time Lincoln laughed, something eased in Jensen.

Lincoln dug into the ground, or at least his chubby arms tried. Jensen helped a little, Lincoln pulled the shovel out of the ground and it flew at Jensen, which amused Lincoln to no end.

Jensen looked over at Jared. “I think that he’s already seeking revenge on me for using him to avoid my mother.”

Jared looked back at where Donna Ackles was sitting with her mother-in-law, both women were watching the four of them on the beach. They had gone in the house, but they had come out soon after, sitting side by side on the little porch, talking as some of the help came to get instructions on arrangements. 

“Somehow I doubt it,” Jared said, swallowing something welling up in his throat.

**

Donna came up as they were coming up the beach. She looked at her son and grandsons, she had a small smile on her face.

“You got him sandy,” she said. “I hope you get him unsandy before supper.”

Jensen wrinkled his forehead and then held out Lincoln who was chewing on his fist. “How do I do that? Isn’t there someone I can pass him off too.”

Donna shook her head. “I’m the grandmother, I do the passing off. You’re the godfather, you take care of him.”

She nodded to Logan. “Him also.”

Then she looked at Jared, eyes squinting as she had to look up near the sun to see him. Then she turned back to Jensen.

“I think he might be able to do it on his own,” Donna said with a smile.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jared said with a pout. “What about Jensen? Don’t you worry about him?” 

Donna shrugged. “I’ve given up on him long ago.”

With that she laughed and turned to make sure everything was set for dinner.

Jensen had a quirk to the edge of his mouth. “She’s not crying, she looks okay. I think your master plan is working on many fronts. Let’s go hose the kids off. That is what they always made us do before we were allowed in the house. Then we can give them baths.”

Jared followed, looking at Jensen who was talking to Lincoln telling him that he was a good boy and that he made his grandmother happy. Lincoln put a chubby hand on Jensen’s face and Jensen laughed. Jared felt the Logan tug on his hand, urging him to follow.

When they got there Jared had Lincoln sitting on the wood planks, diaper off, Jensen was already spraying him with the hose. 

“Strip down,” Jensen said and then grinned a little at Jared. “Him, not you.”

Jared grinned a little. Jensen seemed to be function like normal on the surface. Having the munchkin on his arm seemed to be working a special kind of magic.

**

When they entered the house with two naked children in towels, Grandmother Ackles came up to Jensen.

“Your grandfather wants to see you sweetie,” She told him. 

Jensen looked down, he was wearing the swim trunks from the seventies and a ratty t-shirt.

“He won’t even notice,” Grandma Ackles said. “He just wants to see you.”

Jensen looked at the boys and thought for a minute. Then he looked at Jared. Jared juggled Logan and took Lincoln on his other arm.

“Get behind their ears,” Jensen told him.

Jared stuck his tongue out. “I think I can manage to make them clean.”

Logan thought this was a most excellent idea and stuck out his tongue too.

“Jared manage,” Logan informed Jensen.

Jensen held up his hands in surrender. Jared looked around for a minute, disoriented in the large main house.

“Which room are we in, again?” Jared asked.

Grandma Ackles laughed and lead them away.

Jensen sighed and moved to walk towards his Grandfather’s office. He took a few minutes, wandering down the hallway, family pictures all over the wall. There were pictures of the aunts and uncles when they were young. There were pictures of the cousins of all ages. Jensen stopped before the one of his father and Jack.

His father was probably up in a room with the siblings. They most likely wouldn’t be down tonight. They had all gone though this before. They were tight knit in the way they drew together when something like this happened.

Jensen just looked at his Uncle Jack who had died before he was born. It was an odd sort of remembrance. This was who he was supposed to be like. It made him sad about a man he had never met.

Jensen closed his eyes and then looked at the office door. He avoided looking at the pictures where Josh would be. He just couldn’t.

He opened the heavy wood door. Most of the cousins, and almost all of the aunts and uncles were scared of entering their grandfather’s sacred room, but Jensen wasn’t. He had learned to read perched on the edge of his grandfather’s desk. He had learned quite a bit of the world in this office.

“Grandfather,” Jensen said quietly. His grandfather was looking out of the large window.

His grandfather turned around and gave Jensen a sad smile.

“Jensen, glad you are home,” his grandfather said.

Jensen gave him a small smile.

His grandfather looked out the window.

“I’ve buried two children and three grandchildren, all before their time,” Grandpa Ackles said, in a far away voice. “I’ve been to war, I’ve seen so many funerals of so many young people. It never gets easier.”

Jensen felt the lump rise in his throat.

“You know the funny thing?” Grandpa Ackles continued. “I keep thinking about your grandmother in situations like this. I’ve made mistakes, but she is still here. Your grandmother was a suffragette when I met her. She had more real dignity and real grace than any woman that I had ever met. She wasn’t impressed by money and she wasn’t impressed by power. She married me anyway. She also never gave up even with my ring on her finger. She carried your aunt Caroline to Civil Rights protests, scared the bejeezus out of me.”

Grandpa Ackles smiled to himself. “God, that woman. We’ve fought and found compromise. Because of her no matter what I’ve lost it is only because I’ve had so much.”

Jensen felt his lip quivering, he did not want to cry in front of his Grandfather, then he saw a tear fall down his Grandfather’s face.

“It’s an inappropriate time to ask, but I want you to come home,” his Grandfather said.

Jensen closed his eyes. He felt torn up that he had been away for two years and had missed seeing his nephews grow up, he hated himself that he had missed two years he could have had with Josh.

He spoke up, around the lump in his throat. “No, sir.”

His grandfather turned and looked at him.

Jensen blinked his eyes. “What you are talking about will be a discussion, and when that happens there will only be two people in the room, and they won’t be me and you. I want to come home, but I have something, I’m building something and I’m going to be better with him, so it is going to have to wait until he is ready.”

His grandfather smiled that private little smile again. “You’re a stubborn sort, Jensen.”

“Yes, sir,” Jensen said.

There was silence.

“Grandfather,” Jensen said, needing to ask. “Will there be a place here, will everything you built for me still be here if it isn’t on your timetable?”

His grandfather turned and looked surprised. 

“You are a rare man indeed Jensen,” his grandfather mused. “Yes, I think it will, I know that some people think so, but I’m really not God. I can compromise.”

“Thank you sir,” Jensen said. “But there is no compromise on this. Jared and I will decide when to return. Jared and I will decide if we want to be in public office. I’m sorry, I appreciate everything you do and have done, but there is absolutely no compromise on this. I didn’t compromise on letting mom and Grandmother make Jared over and I won’t let you push us into something until we are sure.”

His grandfather let out a laugh. “Stop over proving your point. I get it, son. I promise you, that you can return whenever the time is right. You will be welcomed always.”

Jensen swallowed, every muscle in his body feeling relief.

“Go wash your boys Jensen,” Grandfather Ackles said. “We’ll talk later.”

Jensen nodded. He walked out of his Grandfather’s office. He knew he should go up and help Jared, but he needed a minute. His body was full of adrenaline. He had just told Joseph Ackles no, something not many people did. He just needed a minute.

His eye caught sight of his brother, taken last year on one of the little sailboats. Josh was grinning.

Jensen just looked at that picture.

The smile seemed to be all for him.

Jensen couldn’t help himself. He smiled back.

**

Jensen walked to the far end of the house. They had gotten one of the bigger rooms this time around. They had their own bathroom and the windows opened to the ocean.

The bedroom was empty when Jensen walked in, he walked to the bathroom where he could hear squeals and splashing. 

He was fairly ready for the cuteness of seeing his boyfriend bathing the boys. 

What he was not expecting was to find his six foot four boyfriend sitting in the tub playing with boats with the little ones. He was now glad that they had one of the rooms with the huge tubs.

“And what is going on here?” Jensen asked.

Jared looked up as did Lincoln who was sitting on Jared’s lap, Jared’s Hawaiian print bathing suit bubbling up around the naked baby.

Lincoln looked curious, Jared looked a little guilty.

“I didn’t know how to bathe a baby,” Jared said. “So we’re having a party.”

Logan threw his arms over the side of the tub, face scrunched up in unhappiness. “Behind our ears, twice.”

Jared smiled. “We’re all washed and just waiting for you.”

“Boats!” Logan squealed, holding up a red plastic boat.

Lincoln was climbing Jared and squealing.

“I’m a little jealous,” Jensen admitted.

Jared stood up, Sheets of water fell from his shorts.

“Here take the munchkins, try to get them dry and clean for dinner,” Jared said. “I’ve still got to shower.”

Jensen handed Jared a towel for Lincoln and then helped Logan out of the tub.

Jensen knelt down and began toweling off Logan.

“Jensen,” Logan said in a whisper.

“What, honey?,” Jensen said.

“My mom and dad aren’t coming back,” Logan said in a small voice.

Jensen blinked over and over again. This little tiny thing had just hit him like a Mac truck.

“I’m so sorry,” Jensen said.

Logan reached out a chubby hand. “It’s okay. You are here.”

Jensen smiled, he felt better, the talk with his grandfather had settled him. He was here, he was always welcomed here, but he wasn’t going to be forced.

“Let’s get you ready for supper,” he said, taking Lincoln from Jared’s arms. He gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek and left the room.

**

Jared drained the water in the tub, started the shower, and started to think about Chad.

Thinking about Chad in the shower had never happened, and was something that Jared thought there wasn't a remote possibility of ever happening again, but at this moment he couldn’t think anything but the moment that Chad had told him that he was going to be a dad.

There had been copious amounts of alcohol.

There had been diatribes and tears and fears.

But at the end of it all Chad had said something. 

He had said. “I guess I’m going to have the kids I’m supposed to have, life dictates itself and I am just a playa.”

Jared may not have agreed with the ‘playa’ part of it, but suddenly the first part of it seemed to hold some water, have some resonance.

He closed his eyes against the spray of the water. 

He tried to push down the thought as something foolish created out of not enough sleep and fanciful thinking.

The boys had an entire family, it would never be the gay one who wanted to be President and his boyfriend who they would choose to raise two very young children.

But Jared couldn’t unthink it.

**

Jared was a little out of sorts when he exited the bathroom, Jensen was in too much of a state to notice. Jared just smiled at him and wrapped an arm around him for a second before Jensen went to take his own shower.

Jared lay on the floor playing legos with the boys and seeing life from the other side, like this wasn’t something he was doing to kill time, more like this was something that he did.

It felt surprisingly comfortable.

Jensen came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel.

“Whatcha building,” He said, drying his hair with another towel, he stepped forward.

“Fucking hell,” he yelled, pulling a foot back and then glaring down at an offending red lego.

Jared grinned. 

He stood up and kissed Jensen’s forehead. “Be careful the little ones are messy.”

Jensen looked at Lincoln and Logan who had identical looks of innocence on their faces. Then he looked back at Jared with a raised eyebrow. 

“I don’t think it is fair to blame the boys,” he said pointedly. “I have been living with you for two years. I know far better.”

Jared threw his head back and laughed.

“Get dressed,” Jensen said, his voice lively and full. 

Jared ginned at him. “Yes sir, ready for another Ackles family gathering.”

They got ready quickly and made their way downstairs where it was tastefully done with flowers, dark neutral colors and lots of food.

Some of the cousins cornered Jared while Jensen went to get the boys some food. He made polite discussions. The cousins were nice enough, it took Jared a minute to realize why they were chatting him up and not Jensen.

Then he realized that they were being respectful of Jensen right now and that they believed giving a message to Jared was on par.

Jared just smiled through it. Finally they left. He was about to go get his food when Grandma Ackles came up to him.

"I've never seen him so badly off," Grandma Ackles said, Jared’s eyes immediately snapped to where Jensen was sitting, looking to see what had caused his boyfriend hard in the last three seconds since he had looked at him last. 

Jared looked at Jensen who was in the corner with the boys. Jensen didn't look that bad. In fact, Jensen looked much calmer than he had the last couple of days. With the boys Jensen didn’t even look as if he was trying to hold things together.

He was Jensen for them, the real person and not just somebody putting on the face.

He said as much to the family matriarch. 

Grandma Ackles smiled. "It’s more about what he isn’t doing right now than what he is. Jensen is always the one who does the comforting, he has to be quite out of sorts not to be the one next to his mother and sister. I have an inkling that sending him to be with the boys was your idea.”

Jared shrugged. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re a good boy Jared,” Grandma Ackles told him.

They sat in silence for a while. Watching the movement of the family, watching people talk quietly and surprisingly laugh. 

"I do think now that I have seen him that bad off, a few summers ago,” Grandma Ackles said as she stood up.

She looked at him and it took him a few minutes to realize when she was talking about. Then he got it. There was one summer that he didn’t remember much of, and what he did remember the summer after his sophomore year was not something he wanted to be remembering in front of Grandma Ackles.

Jared nodded in acknowledgment. “I wasn’t anything better.”

Grandma Ackles reached a gnarled finger to his cheek. “I wouldn’t suppose so. Just so you know, you two are welcome here as long as you wish.”

Jared swallowed. He had been around long enough to know how rare and valuable that offer was.

She smiled at him, patted him on the hand and walked off to see the rest of the room.

Jared just looked back at Jensen, who was cutting up Logan’s cheese.

He walked over and took Lincoln from Jensen. He rubbed the back of Jensen’s neck for a second and then adjusted Lincoln and reached for a tiny jar of food.

“Organic,” Jared muttered.

Jensen was just staring at Jared and Lincoln, small smile on his face.

Jared just shrugged. “Nothing but the best for the little ones I guess.”

He made a face and fed the spoon of bananas to Lincoln who had no such hesitation about the organic baby food.

 

** 

The family started to look over at Jensen and the boys over in the alcove. It was Jared who got up to talk with them. Jensen just needed a little more time.

Jared was eventually cornered by Chase Ackles Crawford, of all people. Jared hadn’t run to him since the early days when Chase was trying to ruin his life. He was a stuck up bastard and Jared still didn’t have enough to forgive yet.

“Jared! So good to see you,” Chase said with that plastic smile.

“Chase,” Jared acknowledged.

Chase began to speak and Jared couldn’t figure out how to escape him. Jared nodded politely at the appropriate times, but his eyes darted around the room for a means of escape.

It wasn’t long before Mackenzie came to pull Jared away, she didn’t even bother to make up an excuse, she just dragged Jared away.

“Thank you so much,” Jared said as they escaped to the patio.

Mackenzie giggled, despite everything. “I would have let you talk to him more, but the look on your face was so horrified. I really enjoyed the groveling from him, especially from the way Josh said he treated you.“

Then her eyes started to tear. “Fuck me. I can’t get this under control. One minute I’m laughing and the next I’m starting to bawl.”

Jared put his arms out to his side. “I’m really good at hugs.”

Mackenzie laughed and cried and went into his arms.

“It is so messed up,” Mackenzie sighed. “I don’t know what is going on. I keep thinking the stupidest things. Like now I don’t have to go to his stupid dinners any more and then I think things like who is going to watch the next season of ‘Sons of Anarchy’ with me.”

“I think its normal,” Jared said.

“Thanks,” she said, snotting into his shoulder.

“No problem,” he said, holding her tighter.

They stayed like that for a long moment.

“I’m just keeping busy,” Mackenzie sighed, moving so she was just under Jared’s arm. “I’m helping dad and grandpa with the paperwork because making preparations on flowers might make me sign up for the loony bin.”

“Is there a lot of paperwork?” Jared asked. He knew that the family had money, but Josh was pretty young.

"He’s got a lot, but you know it is pretty simple, Josh's will states that the boys get everything," Mackenzie told him. "Josh named Jensen the executor of his will." 

Jared nodded. "Josh is so young to have a will." 

Mackenzie smiled. "We all get our inheritance at twenty-one. We have wills from that time on. We have to update them once a year. Usually the three of us go together after Christmas, before New Years. Its part of our fucked up family bonding." 

She began to tear up again.

"You guys lead a different life," Jared said gently, trying to keep it light.

Mackenzie nodded, trying to go with it. 

"You didn't even ask who gets Jensen’s stuff," Mackenzie said with a raised eyebrow.

Jared gave her an incredulous look. “What?” 

She grinned a little. "If you're going to off him do it now before they make you sign the prenup. You’ll get more money that way than from a divorce."

Jared’s jaw just dropped. “I’m in his will?” 

The voice came out undignified and high-pitched.

Mackenzie laughed despite herself. “You are his will. Everything is yours.”

Jared just stared at her. “I’m pretty sure that you weren’t supposed to tell me that.”

“I’m pretty sure that it was just because he didn’t want you to stress over the large bank account,” Mackenzie said. “Now tell me a story, just tell me something about you guys in England because I need something normal right now.”

Jared began to tell her about Rob and Andrew, but in the back of his head was racing with new information.

**

Jared took a deep breath. His voice was a little raw. He had spent the evening taking the condolences of the Ackles family, listening to stories, and comforting Donna and Mackenzie. He had spent the evening being the perfect Ackles son.

It didn’t raise any eyebrows, he figured that they had all been readying themselves for the last two years. 

It was later, helping Donna clean up that he finally got around to asking the question that Mackenzie had burned into his brain.

"You are quite the charmer,” Donna said as Jared picked up the dish that she had just covered and placed in on a cart.

Jared gave a wistful smile. “I had a very good teacher, two of them.”

She smiled and patted him on his arm. “You flatter us. I speak from a bit of experience, be assured that you didn’t need much help. You just needed a little nudge, after that you didn’t need any more guidance. You’re a good one.”

Jared smiled. “I love him and I want to be with him.”

The very dignified Donna Steward Ackles snorted.

“You are hardly doing this to be an appropriate escort for him,” Donna informed him. “You work well because you’re not just second fiddle. You aren’t his plus one. Much to our amusement you have been the one giving him a real sense of credibility through Europe with some of the connections that you’ve made. You two are partners.”

Jared looked at her, trying to read what was under her words. Instead he decided to just cut to the chase.

“I am kind of curious about the boys,” Jared said softly, trying to manage some kind of decorum for a woman who had just lost her son. He knew some of what went on in the family, but not nearly enough to have this conversation. He had no idea what the proper succession was.

"He's their Godfather you know," Donna said quietly. 

Jared nodded. "I know. What I'm scared to ask is what that means." 

"What do you want it to mean?" Donna asked, her voice was gentle, her eyes   
were searching. 

"We're young," he said softly. "I don't know anything about kids and we're not married." 

Jared tapped his hands on his knee. She just looked at him expectantly.

"But the way that they have gravitated to us," Jared said. "I mean I don't want to overstep my bounds, and we haven't talked, and I don't know, but it feels like family." 

Donna was quiet. 

"In London I was living with my boyfriend," Jared rushed on. "I have spent the last two years with my boyfriend. It was this little bubble where we got to live our own lives independently of everything else. Everything here that makes me nervous, I got to ignore all of it, and the thing is Donna I don't remember why I was so wary, because I am back here and we went through the   
firing line at the airport, which I barely noticed because in London they are worse, and I came here and everyone is treating me like I belong here, I don't remember why I didn't want to be here. I've never known what my life as a grown up is supposed to look like, but I think that it is supposed to involve those boys." 

He looked at her, and kept his chin level. 

"It's a pretty big life change, Jared," she said, her face showing a little bit of a smile. 

Jared shrugged. "I've only had like four hours to think about it and I have no idea of what Jensen's thoughts are, but Harvard is campaigning very hard to get me to do my doctoral program here. I'm sure that Jensen might have some contacts here, I hear his family is influential, and I don't know much about kids and I don't know where they are supposed to go, but we have so many people to make sure we know these things. You said that I learn quickly and there is nothing that Jensen can’t do…" 

Jared trailed off and looked at Jensen smiling at Logan where they were sitting in the corner. 

"They're not always going to make him smile," Donna said softly. "It's a long commitment, if you start it you have to do all of it, even when it is hard. Kids aren’t temporary or just to see if you could play house." 

Jared just looked at her. "I'd do it. If he wants to I'm next to him.”

“That thought had crossed my mind to be honest,” Donna said. “I was wondering if was something, but I’m thinking that he wouldn’t ask you, because he thinks you would take it on. We were going to talk with Anna’s family after the funeral, but her father has cancer and she is an only child.”

“You don’t plan on raising them?” Jared asked. “I mean asking this isn’t going to change something that you wanted?”

Donna shook her head. “I’ve raised my kids, not that I wouldn’t take them in a heartbeat, but I’m not as young as I once was. I think that maybe they have a read on what will be best for them, kindred spirits.”

Jared swallowed. 

She smiled at him, tears in her eyes her voice was low and horse. “I just…I mean…Josh. I’m going to miss him so much. He was my baby. For six years it was just him and Alan and I, we were the only family. He was my boy and I worshipped him. Jensen is my perfect boy and Mackenzie is my sweet girl, but Josh, he was my boy, my first. I raised my kids, I am happy to just be Grandma. Right now I’m sure I could do it again, but it just might break my heart to go over it all again.”

She began to sob again.

Jared found himself holding another Ackles woman.

**  
The night wrapped doen and Jared knew that he would have to be the one to start the ball.  
Jensen seemed to think that he still had to protect Jared, mostly because Jared hadn’t said anything differently yet. 

Jensen and Jared lay in bed, between them was a three year old and a six-month year old.

“Did your brother like me?” Jared asked, looking at the children, heart beating so loudly because the conversation had to start somewhere.

“Of course,” Jensen said looking over at him. “Why would you think differently?”

Jared spread out the blanket, trying for some time. “Um, I took you away from him.”

Jensen cocked his head. “He left for school in New Hampshire when I was eight, I think I spent my entire life following him. I don’t know if he ever needed me. I was his little brother and he loved me and let me follow him around, but he always had everything, he was bigger than life. He didn’t need me. I think he really liked that I had a life, that I had you, that I was learning to be me. Until I met you I hadn’t ever thought about what I wanted to do, but you pushed me out of the blinders that I had been living in. I think that he was more proud that I had left, that I had made my own decisions outside of the family, he made those decisions when he was fourteen, I didn’t until you. I didn’t really truly follow him until I left with you.”

Jared smiled. “I liked him. I hope he liked me. I mean we’re taking care of his kids and all.”

“He would have liked us looking out for them,” Jensen agreed.

“What about us raising them?” Jared said, holding his breath, feeling like this was the most important thing that he had said since he had told Jensen he was still in love with him.

Jensen just stared at him.

“We’re hardly anyone’s first choice,” Jensen said slowly.

“I think we’re theirs,” Jared said softly.

“I want to Jared, I do, but this isn’t how things are usually done,” Jensen said, his hand curling around the sleeping Lincoln.

“From the moment that I found myself in your life quite a bit of what I’ve done isn’t usually done,” Jared pointed out.

Jensen fixed him with a look.

“What?” Jared asked.

“You haven’t done things like usual since you were young,” Jensen said softly. “Or else you wouldn’t have made it into Harvard. You wouldn’t have gotten into the London School of Economics, none of that was the pull of my family. Even on your own you are outside the normal.”

Jared shrugged. “I’ve never thought about it like that. But that is what I’m saying. Just how I live, how we live isn’t like everybody else. This could just be another one of those things that isn’t normal but works for me, for us.”

“You’re awesome for thinking about this,” Jensen said quietly.

Jared looked at the three year old tucked at his side and just looked at Jensen.

“What,” Jensen asked.

“You don’t get this do you?” Jared finally asked. “You don’t get why I am asking?”

Jensen had a blank look on his face.

Jared was nearly bouncing, all of the thinking he had done all night was suddenly perfectly clear. “This is awesome, I’m finally not the last one of us to get what is going on.”

“What is going on?” Jensen asked honestly confused.

“We came home,” Jared said simply.

“Our home is in London,” Jensen said, shaking his head.

“Stop being stubborn,” Jared said softly. “You don’t have to protect me anymore, I’m not scared any more. It’s okay. I know now.”

“Know what?” Jensen asked. 

“That I’m important to you,” Jared said softly. “You chose me, now I’m choosing you. I’m going to stop fighting what is the natural arc of our lives. It feels like what is meant to be.”

“We don’t have to come back,” Jensen argued.

“Shut up,” Jared said with a grin. “I heard them talking about you. I heard them talking about you being here. More than that I heard them talking about us being here.”

“I am not going to take it,” Jensen said. “I wouldn’t, not without talking to you. This is a big life decision, it means –“

“I know what it means,” Jared interrupted. “I know what this life means, I’ve always known and I really never thought I’d be good enough, and I was terrified of coming back, but you know what? I’m here and your family has enveloped me, the people out there have treated me like I belong, being here is comfortable and I never even thought it was possible, but this isn’t your life, this is our life, we can be comfortable here.”

Jensen opened his mouth and Jared shook his head. “You aren’t going to say no. I’m pretty sure that Josh’s children have chosen you. So you’re going to take this life and you’re going to marry me and we’re going to have a family and a life, if that sounds like something that you want, if you want that to be your future.”

Jensen spent a few seconds just staring agape at Jared. Finally he was able to regain his ability to speak.

“Get married?” Jensen croaked.

Jared smiled and leaned back. “Yeah, I didn’t know for sure, not until we got back here and I found myself in the situation and it was okay, but I can and soon enough you’re going to find the perfect way to ask me to marry you, something we’ll tell your family and have a grand story about. Then knowing your mother she is going to throw us a miraculous wedding. Then we’ll smile and take the boys home after we decided which house your gigantic trust fund is going to buy us, and I’m going to go and get my doctorate.”

Jensen had a little smile on his face. “That is what you want to do Dr. Padalecki?”

“I think that we could be very happy like that,” Jared said, feeling a bit of pride at his potential new title.

“You want to get married and raise the boys,” Jensen said slowly. 

Jared nodded.

“We can’t we’re too young,” Jensen tried weakly. “I can’t start a career and have kids, I can’t just take Josh’s life.”

Jared just looked calm and composed and ready to patiently take on Jensen’s freak-outs, because he had already thought and answered them in his head.

“Chad was twenty and you’re twenty eight,” Jared pointed out. “You’re not taking over Josh’s life, we are building one of our own. Also I often hear that we don’t get to choose kids, once again see Chad.”

Jared gave him a little grin, with dimples. Jensen’s thoughts derailed a little. Jared was adorable with a drooling child curled up on his Harvard t-shirt.

Jensen swallowed and managed to say what he was so terrified to say. “And you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Through taxes, until death,” Jared nodded, certain.

Jensen snuggled down and held Lincoln closer to him. He wanted to laugh because death was the most present thing in his mind and taxes were one of the biggest thing that Jared usually thought about in his political and economic mind.

“Are you sure you’re in?” he tried one more time.

“I’m sure,” Jared said. “Absolutely sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I will share you with your family and with your adoring public, knowing that you chose me and you will always choose me. I am always going to choose you.”

Jensen got a small on his face and burrowed further under the covers.

“And you know…” Jensen trailed off

“That I’m going to have to learn how to do the public thing?” Jared interjected. “Remember to do my make up before I got out of the house. Yeah Jensen, I won’t embarrass you.”

“More worried about them embarrassing us,” Jensen said.

“Us,” Jared said with a grin, nodding to the kids. “How many people are in this us.”

“Can we cap it at four for now?” Jensen said, grinning back at Jared. “Because this is going to be a beast to figure and work out.”

“My mom is going to freak,” Jared said. “I’m the last one she planned on unplanned children from.”

Jensen laughed, eyes crinkling, all of his teeth showing.

“God I love your smile,” Jared said.

“I love that you can make me smile,” Jensen said, grinning. “I love that we are going to have an excellent life. I love you.”

Jared just grinned back.

Jared swallowed, speaking suddenly hard around the lump in his throat. “Just so you know, whatever we tell people you’re gonna know that our entire life, our entire future, that thing that you didn’t know how the hell you were going to get, the whole package with kids, career, and everything, I told you that it was yours for the taking.”

“I will take it,” Jensen said. “I want it, I want you, I want that life. I will take it.”

Jared nodded, grinning. “I hoped you would.”

::

Jensen and Jared overslept and found themselves with diapers and a three year old you didn’t want to wear a tie. They managed to make it to the church on time.

Jared looked at the small white church.

“I thought we’d do this in Texas,” Jensen said, playing with Lincoln’s hands.

“He went to prep school in New Hampshire,” Mackenzie pointed out. “He left years ago, he serves the people of Massachusetts.”

Jensen just shrugged.

“Anna was from here,” Jared said after a moments of silence. “His boys are going to be here, you are here, he’d want to be where you all are.”

Jensen looked at Jared, blinking far too much. Jared cleared his throat and reached out to adjust Jensen’s tie. Jensen watched Jared’s hands, it had become a ritual, before there was somewhere that they needed to be.

Their eyes met and held.

Everything else disappeared.

Jensen leaned in and rested his forehead on Jared’s shoulder.

“Holy shit,” Jensen whispered. 

“Sheeet,” Logan said happily.

Jensen and Jared looked at each other wide eyed.

“We have to clean up our language,” Jared muttered picking up Logan.

“Big man,” Jensen said, attempting to be serious. “You can’t say that word.

Logan scowled.

“We’re going to say good bye to your dad and mom now,” Jensen said softly.

Logan’s green eyes went wide, but he nodded, then he reached out to pat his brother’s cheek.

“We say bye now,” Logan said solemnly.

Jensen’s jaw clenched. Jared slipped a hand behind Jensen’s back.

They walked in silence with the boys. They walked into the church and to the front pew. Logan sat between them, hands in his lap. Lincoln was on Jensen’s lap. The service started and Jared put his arm behind Logan, fingers on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen closed his eyes and just breathed.

Finally the priest said the words for Jensen to come up.

He stood up and moved to hand Lincoln to Jared, it was at that moment that Lincoln let out an ungodly wail. Jensen pulled Lincoln back to his chest and he stopped. Jared tried it again and Lincoln started the noise again.

Jared and Jensen looked at each other with wide eyes. Jensen made his ‘what the fuck do I do’ face. Jared just shrugged and then nodded.

Jensen adjusted Lincoln and then walked up to the front of the church.

Jensen looked at Lincoln who was happily chewing on his tie. 

"This is fitting," he said finally, not looking up. "Josh was the one who told me to always be prepared, but never be flustered when nothing turns out like you planned. He was a big one on flexibility, it just figures when I come up here to talk about him his son reminds me of the most important lesson that he has ever taught me." 

Jensen looked up and the tears were clear in his eyes. 

"I looked up to my big brother my entire life. I learned to walk so I could follow him. He did everything first and I could do it because he made it look easy. Standing here before you, standing here holding his son, who he adored, I realize that soon I'm going to be doing things he hasn't done. In six years I'm going to be older than my brother will ever be." 

His voice choked and Lincoln cooed, Jensen juggled him a bit and calmly went on. 

"I have some things I wrote down to say and I'll get to them in a minute," Jensen said with a smile, staring off in the distance. "But the thing that keeps going through my head is the silliest thing. I remember when it was when we first talked about me being gay. He had this look on his face and I was crushed, my brother, my hero didn't approve of who I was. “

Jensen swallowed, took a moment before he could go one. When he spoke again it was a little horse. “Then he opened his mouth. He told me I wasn't allowed to get married yet, he had to work his way up to taking me to male strip clubs for my bachelor party. I was eighteen and hadn't had a boyfriend yet, so that was an imminent danger, but that is who my brother was. He didn't judge, didn't worry about the fact that his brother was gay, didn't care the ramifications on the family, he wasn't going to disown me, all our plans were going to stay like they always were, he just needed a minute to change his world view on the kind of strip club we were going to when I he had to fulfill his best man duties. More than anything I want this to be about Josh, to be a celebration about his life, but the thing I keep thinking is that he isn't going to be there now.”

Jensen blinked rapidly and looked at Jared. “He’s not going to be my call when I get around to asking about marriage, he’s not going to tell me how he wants me to raise his kids, he’s not going to be here to stand by me when I run for office. There isn’t an example for me now and I’m going to miss my big brother like hell.”

He breathed and felt his tie being tugged and he looked down at chubby fingers that were pulling his silk tie into a slobbery mouth. Jensen gently took the tie out of the baby’s mouth.

“But the thing is that I may not have any more of my brother, but the part I have of him, nothing can ever take away.”

Jensen looked down at the part of Josh that he was actually holding and he swallowed.

Then he looked up at Jared watching him, a three year old on his lap.

Jensen blinked back the tears.

“So now,” Jensen said, speaking through the lump in his throat. “Now I’m going to go to the speech I have prepared.”

He spoke the words, looking at Jared.

He said goodbye to his past, eyes firmly on the future.

 

:::

 

“Hi, honey! I’m home,” Jared said, voice ringing out.

Jensen came out, carrying Lincoln, Logan trailing after.

“I’m a little sad that this is the last time that you will say that here,” Jensen said, handing him Lincoln.

Logan tugged at Jared’s pants.

“Jared, Jared, Jared,” Logan said.

“Yeah little man?,” Jared said with a smile.

“Jensen and Grandma Sharon let me smoosh paper,” Logan said with pride.

Jared looked over at the kitchen where Sharon had come out drying her hands.

“Grandma Sharon?” Jared asked with an eyebrow raised.

He had called his mother the day after the funeral.   
_  
“Hi mom,” Jared had said._

_“Hi baby, how are you doing? How is Jensen?” she had asked._

_“We’re good,” Jared had replied._

_“Did you give him my love?” Sharon had asked._

_“Yeah momma,” Jared had said hesitantly._

_“What is going on baby?” she had asked._

_“Well, Jensen and me,” Jared had begun. “We’re gonna be dads.”_

_There was a pause, Jared rushed to fill the silence._

_“Josh’s boys, they don’t have anyone, Jensen, we talked and we’re going to raise them,” Jared had said._

_“Is he going to marry you?” was his mother’s first question.  
_  
It had taken a long conversation, but by the end of it she was booking tickets to England to help them adjust to having children while Jared finished his last months of school. She was helping them pack up. Which wasn’t so hard in a house where most of the things stayed in the house. It was just the things that they brought and the things that they had accumulated in their stay and travels, including two children who were much smaller, but seemed to have much more stuff.

She shrugged. “Just preparing him for the eventuality, what child wouldn’t benefit from as many grandparents as possible?”

Jared looked at Jensen. “Has she been harassing you too?”

Sharon smacker her son with a towel. “Behave. I just think that since you two are together and raising the boys together you might as well make it legal.”

“Mother,” Jared said. “One thing at a time.”

She looked at him. “You’re going to have kids, buy a house, start careers and then get married?”

The look on her face was disapproving.

Jared felt like a failure. Jensen was the one who stepped forward, all smiles and soft eyes.

“Sharon,” Jensen said softly. “I want it to be special, I want it perfectly clear that I’m not just marrying him for the kids.”

Sharon Padalecki softened a little, but she had gotten a little immune to Jensen Ackles’ flattery.

“We’ll get married before the house, before Jared graduates and I take the bar,” Jensen said, changing his tactics to bartering.

Sharon smiled. “That sounds better.”

Jared looked down at Logan who was watching the interaction.

Jared made a face at his new son. “Well Logan, let’s go make sure that Jensen packed up all of my books, because they obviously don’t need me for the negotiation on my future.”

Jensen reached out and snagged him.

“I’ll get a good dowry for you,” Jensen drawled. “Something to keep you real pretty.”

Jared threw his head back and laughed and walked into the other room.

Sharon had a smile on her face when Jensen turned around.

“I didn’t think…” she began quietly. “You two, I just I never thought that you’d…I just really hoped so.”

Jensen smiled, eyes crinkling. “Me too, I hope so too forever.”

Sharon snorted. “If you’re concerned I think he’ll say yes.”

Jared and children laughter and shrieks came from the bedroom.

“He deserves the best,” Jensen said, smile still huge. “He deserves it done right, he’s only going to do it once.”

Sharon smiled. 

Because they were sure that her son was going to be happy.


End file.
